Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
either way he was missing a nipple.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
