is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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