On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
