She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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