i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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