I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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