Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Randomize
