Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
