you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
