well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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