You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
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I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
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I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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