you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
