Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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