I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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