Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
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I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
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I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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