Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
it's like iHOP with fire
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
