Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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