on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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