i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
