he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
