So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
