I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
