I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
