I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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