So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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