i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize