Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
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I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
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I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.