any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"