What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
He melted the stem
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on