I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.