She's JV to your varsity
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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