Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
