Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
