So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
