I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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