She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
