and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
