Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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