how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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