Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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