Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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