Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
