I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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