he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
