i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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