babies were throwing up all over the place
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
