meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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