I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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