dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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