so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
