dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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