the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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