How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
