What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
