oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
