I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
