Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
