"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
