I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
