WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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