Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
