hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
