Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
