This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You made out with two different species that night
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
