how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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