the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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