Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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