I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
