A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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