I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
